Missing Dad

I met my dad when I was an adult, almost 28 actually. It was a fluke that I physically found him. I have always looked for him as long as I can remember. His name had always been listed on my birth certificate - Rodney Neil Aldrich. Of course there were always stories on "why" he wasn't around or whatever happened to him being a part of my life. From what I can tell it was my mom's doing. Not sure EXACTLY what happened...however, I know this much, I am glad I kept looking.

I was able to spend 9 years getting to know my dad before he died. He died April 22, 2007. He was diagnosed with Multi-myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow in April 1998...the spring before I met him he had finished his 1st round of chemo.

In some aspects I feel cheated not getting to have more time with him. He had his mistakes and his faults and I was able to overlook that. I was in the room the moment he died. It was one of the hardest things I have had to endure. It's never a good thing to hear about death, but to be right there when it happened, it's just that much harder to fathom.

My husband and I would take the kids up to visit dad and his wife Linda almost every February during the long 4-day weekends from school. We went up to celebrate their wedding anniversary in February 2007. Dad had a cold and had been under the weather a lot that winter. His cell counts also were not what they should have been. As we spent the weekend up there, he got sicker over the weekend and I told Gene that I wouldn't be surprised if I received a phone call by the end of the week he would be sicker and probably in the hospital. We left that weekend with dad a little weaker, but doing okay. Never in my mind did I expect that phone call the very next weekend.

The next weekend I was presenting at a teacher's conference at Tan-Tar-A Resort. We were getting our last minute presentation items, when I got the phone call from my sister saying that dad was in MICU (Medical Intensive Care Unit) at Hennepin Medical Center in Minneapolis. Now, mind you, Minnesota was blasted with a HUGE snowstorm the previous day. My step-mom had called for an ambulance and the police officers were kind enough to shovel part of the driveway for her to get her car out and a path for the EMTs to get my dad out on the stretcher. She would keep me posted as there wasn't much I could do being 500 miles away. Gene and I braved the next snowstorm that had shut down most of I-35 from KC to Minnesota and drove up there the following weekend. I spent a few days up there and then returned. Dad was very cranky that weekend, but could recognize everyone. The boys (Brad, Jarrod, and Ryan) were all getting the "lectures" of what they should be doing....Stacey and I were just there visiting.

This was the first of MANY weekends back and forth from KC to Minneapolis. I was fortunate enough to have the time off from teaching and the finances to do this. I continued back and forth from end of February until mid-April. The week of my birthday, dad called to wish me "happy birthday" and my sister Stacey thought it best that I come back that entire week to visit. Dad was in probably the best shape at this point. Things would probably get worse from here. I don't think I thought his death would be as close as it was and I wish I had asked a lot of questions about things that I wanted answered.

During these last several weeks of dad's life and actually since the death of my Grandma Fran (dad's mom) in June of 2006, Stacey (my sister) and I became closer. I am not sure if dad knew that or not at the time. But, it was probably something he had hoped would happen. Up to that point, Stacey and I had seen each other, but hadn't really had a lot of conversations about our "life". During that last year, she and I became closer than I think some of my siblings that I knew my entire life have ever been. Probably a blessing in disguise. She's 4 years older and I like that. She filled in a lot of those blanks that I wanted answered.

I left on April 16th for a week's visit with my dad. He was still in the hospital - and had been since February. He was actually in good spirits and looked fairly well. I stayed with my sister Stacey each time I visited - her couch was getting pretty comfortable. That and late night hockey games on TV with my brother in law. One of the days I spent my brother Ryan and I met up to visit with dad for the day. When dad would rest, Ryan and I would catch up on life. On Thursday that week, dad had a final round of radiation. Linda came up to spend the day with us. I went downstairs to the radiation appointment with them. It was a long day. Dad was tired when he was done, but recognized me immediately afterwards. Apparently, there were side effects when he had the medicine. I spent the evening watching news while dad had his hospital dinner. He was doing fairly well considering. I went ahead and headed back to Stacey's house, as I would be leaving the next morning to return back to KC for a track meet on Friday.

I left early on Friday morning and headed back to KC. I arrived just in time for the meet. On Saturday morning, I got up early and started cleaning the house. Each time I left to go back to Minnesota, there were 3 "bachelors" in the house...Gene, Corey and Will (a friend's son who lived with us at the time). Needless to say, there was always laundry, dishes, and heavy duty cleaning when I returned; not to mention I had just missed a week of teaching. So, I had plenty to catch up. Around 10:30 that morning while I was at Walmart, I received a phone call from Stacey. She told me dad had lost a lot of blood on Friday night and early Saturday and he had been placed back into MICU, that the prognosis wasn't good. I asked her if I needed to come back and she said to wait until her next call. I finished up my shopping and headed back to the house. I called Gene to let him know what was going on. There was a chance I would be driving BACK to Minneapolis before the weekend was over. I think realization started to sink at this point.

I talked to my sister later in the afternoon and there wasn't much change, they figured out that from the radiation treatments, dad had ruptured something that was causing all the bleeding. He would need a blood transfusion(s) throughout the night. She gave me the information to contact the hospital. The staff was aware that he had a daughter that was out of state that was allowed to have vital information over the phone. I called the hospital at 10:30 pm to ask about how dad was doing. He was stable, but not good. The doctors were great about telling me about specifically had happened since the radiation. The also explained that multi-myeloma patients shouldn't last more than two years from prognosis....dad had already lasted 11 years and was helping write case studies from his treatments that have saved other patients in early stages. I know, what a consolation. At 5:30 am on Sunday morning, I received the call that I was dreading. The family was being called for any final thoughts. I left immediately, I don't think I have ever driven so fast in my life. After packing (mind you - I hadn't really unpacked from the previous week) and I needed to consider that I there would be a funeral before coming back this time, I had to bring proper clothes with me; I filled up with gas and headed north. Because of work, Gene wasn't able to go with me. Every two hours or so, my sister or brothers would call and touch base with me. Apparently, with some bet going on of where I was at. Apparently, we have dad's lead foot and can "ride like the wind" :-)

What I didn't know was at the time they would call, dad was being bathed and changed so that he had fresh clothing on, at the same time final rites were also being issued. All of the family was also in the waiting room...waiting on the member of the family to arrive...me. I left KC city limits by 6:30 AM and arrived in Minneapolis by 1:30 PM -- Dad died at 2:15. He waited for me. I was in the room surrounded by my sister Stacey, my Grandpa Pat, Linda, and a few others. He had waited for me. He talked to me and I just waited. He held my hand and knew I was there. As soon as he past, Linda looked at me and told me that he had waited for me to arrive. Afterwards, Stacey, Ryan and I all left the hospital. It was down pouring outside. It was cold. When I started up my truck, Bon Jovi's "Making a Memory" was on the radio...how appropriate. I just sat there for the longest time just crying.

The next few days were tough. Family, funeral, burial....everything was dragged out because he was to be buried at the military cemetery up in Little Falls, MN, near his mom. I did this without Gene being with me. It was hard. I really needed him there.

When I returned back to school another week later, I was "welcomed" to a club that you never want to join, the loss of a parent. Several of the colleagues I worked with had lost a parent in the last two years. Not the club I wanted to sign for. I had already lost my step-dad 7 years prior.

So, why is this coming up now? Not sure. I miss my dad tremendously. Sometimes I feel like it wasn't fair that he was taken away so early. I didn't get to spend a lot time with him. I mean, I had almost 9 years...but still...I think we had a lot of time to catch up on and I wanted that. I used to love calling him late at night just to talk about whatever. His phone contact was in my phone for almost 2 years before I finally changed it to Linda and not "dad'. He was great just to talk to. He was great to my "kids". I think he used the grandkids to catch up on the things he didn't get to be involved in as a younger parent. Either way, he was good to the kids, and they loved him for it. I have tons of pictures of the kids with my dad when they were younger and the trips we took up north. I can't believe it's been almost 3 years...