I constantly feel like I have to hide my feelings. Almost like it is too much for people to bare. So, not to hurt anyone or ask too much of a friend...I just "fake" that happiness just to avoid it all.
Here's another poem I wrote during those early years of trying to patch up my life.
Feelings to Hide
I see the pain before my eyes
I see my friends happiness
and I fill with anger and despise
I want to see the beauty they see
I want the happiness
and peace of being free
free of my broken heart
free of my pain
this is my body
this is my domain
how can a person describe
the hurt?
how can someone know how
I feel?
my trust was robbed
my faith may never heal
the innocence of a child was taken
as quick as a thief could steal.
I see the long road ahead
sleepless nights
filled with frights
the thoughts of that dungeon
of which I call a bed
When will the pain end?
When will the pain stop?
If only I could defeat
this wall
this wall of molded blocks
someone may get too close
could they see the real me?
will they like me?
could I let them?
no...
I couldn't
no one understands
I must keep it all inside
I have to hide
can't let the pain show
I have to show them happiness
they must see my smile glow
if they see the hurt
they will know
they will run
they will hide
...just as my feelings have inside
11-17-93
No comments:
Post a Comment