My Assignment

I have this "assignment" that I need to complete. Will it be graded? Scored? No, it's a first of probably many assignments that is supposed to he me get beyond my past and to move forward with my life. So, it is an important assignment and should be taken seriously - and the only due date I have is how long do I want to procrastinate.

I guess you could say I am afraid to complete this assignment. I am not sure how it will affect me on the inside. You see this assignment is about the abuse I endured for several years at the hands of what were to be two trusted uncles. My assignment is to write what "abuse" occurred, how it made me feel and what I thought/think about it. Every time I venture down this path nightmares occur, my moods are horrible and the anxiety increases. I know the trade-off is suppose to be better, but not sure I can get beyond this part of it to see the better side of it.

In the past I have drank myself to oblivion, avoided relationships and people and was just plain mean to anyone around me.I hate to sleep. I hate being in my bed. I hate my husband even touching me in any way.  I hate myself when I am like that and then it's a vicious cycle that just continuously repeats itself.

I have to start this assignment.